Sitting, waiting, watching

Ever noticed you do your best thinking in the car?  Maybe it's just me.  Today I was driving down the road thinking about life and it dawned upon me that so much of my life centers around trying to keep the memory of my father alive.  It sounds very strange, as it is an unconscious effort, but it happens.  I went to the Carolina game in Columbia on Thursday and it was amazing!  Not necessarily because I'm an extreme Carolina fan or anything, but because I felt as though I was home.  I wonder just how many hours I spent in the N.C. State football stadium as a kid...hours upon hours upon hours I'm sure.  Another reminder of my father: the lake.  I love more than anything to be riding in the boat on the lake, or sitting on the dock looking out over Lake Keowee.  Sitting there I am transported to another world.  I often find myself forgetting the miseries of my not always wonderful life.

Don't get me wrong...I love very much the life I live and the opportunities I have been given, but I get angry with the world & certain parts of my life just like everyone else.

This week I take the GRE (graduate school exam), which I am not excited about AT ALL.  Also, PC plays Clemson on Saturday and we're all going to the lake to hang out with the Gram-ster.  Anndd I need to finish my Peace Core applications.  I'm not 100% sure that life is the life for me, but I am extremely anxious to know if that's an option (aka if they want me).  I would love very much exploring other lands, living the life of other people, starting anew in a distant land.  I would miss my family oh so much, would miss the dog that I want to have after graduation, but it would be a learning experience, a growing experience and I'm sure it would be lovely.

Oh the question of what to do with my life.  Every time someone asks I just tell them I'm "livin' the dream" because, quite simply, I don't know what to tell them.  I'm still exploring, still learning about myself...I am only 21 years old after all.  The world is a wide open place and I'm on the journey of exploration, so here's my warning:  look out world, here I come!